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Repetition Is Holy

Repeated Here: Queer Stuff, Poetry, Birds, Femme Rambles, Pretty Things.

Bird. 24. Femme. Student. Theorist. Archivist. Professional Napper.
Sep 17 '14

543 notes (via eextraterrestre & gendervaguekirkland)

Sep 16 '14

I can’t even think right now.
Like I know this is partially a totally disordered mind speaking right now and that I’m like chemically programmed to be unable to do the friendship thing like other people, but I also feel like I have had very few friends in my life that I could actually count on, and the ones I did have were other pretty disordered people (hi eclectictsunami). Like, my college roommate was endlessly reliable, but we were more like one dysfunctional human than separate people. And so, it just feels like, why bother? Why have friends? What fucking good does that do me. If I hadn’t pretended at having friends I wouldn’t have spent today’s research seminar suppressing tears and the desire to kick someone. I wouldn’t have to bite my lip to have civil conversations with people who have let me down. I want to start crying and yelling and not stop. All appealing behaviors point nowhere good right now.

4 notes

Sep 16 '14

I don’t have time to be having a social crisis. I want to be mad and stew in that and not have to think about her existence, not navigate her apologies. Now I’m extra upset again and I need to do more homework before EfM tonight and instead I just want to go cry.

4 notes Tags: friendship is bullshit never leaving the house again

Sep 16 '14

a long half a day

  • morning prayer. a blessing to introduce into my life, to say it alone with my priest.
  • spent 40 minutes puttling the many pieces of my journey before Sharon in her office. she assured me that I don’t have to put all the pieces together - letting them lay before her in that place is enough. with the pieces there, she can pray over me, learn ways to support me.
  • meeting with the director of graduate studies was productive and supportive. I feel like I need a bird calendar for the professors working with me so that they can see where my various requirements fall together.
  • it helps to hear the two professors whose support I’m really leaning on and who I really respect deeply assure me that I am handling the particular difficulties of my advising situation and the like well and gracefully. that alone is something.

4 notes

Sep 16 '14

appointment to meet with my priest this morning. I’m just so withdrawn from anything in life outside of church, basically. just being at school lately is upsetting. today I have to get to campus for a research seminar (and deal with presidential visit traffic shit) and meeting with a professor. I am literally just in this mode where I am receding into my sweatshirt and not coming out.

2 notes

Sep 15 '14

Blessings be for people who don’t just accept “fine” as a response when things are not fine.

AKA I have a wonderful sort of surrogate advisor in the being of the professor I’m TAing for this semester. As she said to me, “you’ll learn that I have these kind of tentacles - I pick up on a lot of nonverbal cues.” In other words, my giant sweatshirt, unbrushed hair, extra high pitched voice, and lack of eye contact or affect are sort of obvious signs that I’m not okay today.

8 notes

Sep 15 '14
I have a new name? This is why I typically use my “birth” name when I order, lol

I have a new name? This is why I typically use my “birth” name when I order, lol

4 notes Tags: Starbucks silly

Sep 14 '14

79 notes (via hivvx & river-of-constant-change)

Sep 14 '14
Super cute Strawberry Shortcake hat!!

Super cute Strawberry Shortcake hat!!

9 notes

Sep 14 '14

at Sunday School the kids introduced themselves with their name and one thing about them. so we got things like “I like apples” and “I love my mama” because they are 2.5-5 years old.

one of the little girls I know from VBS got to her turn, introduced herself and said, “I like Miss Bird!”

It’s going to be a nice year.

5 notes